Why Can't You Use Phones on Planes?
by edger230
Summary: A parody of one of my favorite videos by CollegeHumor. Stan asks a simple question, which turns into a big problem. I own NOTHING!


**I just couldn't resist doing this! I took out the cuss words to make it more appropriate for everyone.**

Dipper and Mabel buckled their airplane seatbelts. They were going with their Grunkle Stan to a fishermen's convention in Wyoming. The twins weren't exactly looking forward to it, but Stan had talked them into it (and by talking them into it, I mean that he didn't give them a choice.)

A flight attendant with a nametag reading 'Josie' was going over the rules on a speaker. The plane was about to take off so she said:

"Ladies and gentlemen, as we prepare for take-off, please turn off all electronic devices." she said with a sweet smile.

Dipper and Mabel turned off their IPods. "Why?" Stan suddenly asked. Dipper and Mabel looked at him, both a little surprised he spoke up.

Josie seemed a little fazed too. "What's that?"

"Why do we have to turn off our electronic devices?"

Josie smiled again in understanding. "Because they can interfere with the plane's navigation."

"Oh, ok."

"So, anyway-"

"How?" Grunkle Stan spoke up again.

Josie's confused expression returned. "What's that?"

"How do they interfere with the plane's navigation?"

Josie didn't smile this time. "Because the electronic signals can interfere with the signals between the plane and the radio tower on take-off and landing."

"Oh, ok. I gotcha. That makes sense. Thank you."

Dipper and Mabel looked at each other and shrugged. There wasn't really much of a problem with asking a simple question like that was there?

Josie went back to going over the rules. "Ok, let's all make sure that our seats are fully upright-"

"Wait," a lady sitting behind Dipper began, "I mean, I get why I can't have a radio or whatever, but how is my Kindle going to screw things up?" she asked, revealing her Kindle.

"That's a good question." Stan pointed out.

Josie seemed to be getting slightly irritated. "It's not just about radios. All devices have an electromagnetic field that can interfere with radio frequencies."

Everyone seemed to understand as they either nodded or went 'ohhh.'

"Alright, please make sure that all tray tables are-"

"Wait, so you're saying that a $90 million dollar aircraft can't ignore the signal from my forty dollar IPod Shuffle? That's weird." A teenager that looked about nineteen said.

"She's right; that _is _weird." the lady with the Kindle added.

"Yeah, now I'm confused again." Stan said. Dipper and Mabel face-palmed.

"If they're so dangerous, why do you allow devices on the plane and not, I don't know, gels?" A man with an afro asked.

"Yeah, could I hold this plane hostage with my 3DS?" asked another teenager.

"Some devices are more dangerous than others, but there isn't enough time to go through them one by one." Josie was clearly doing her best not to go crazy.

"I mean, how come the plane doesn't interfere with my phone?" a man in a suit asked.

"And why don't the other phones interfere with MY phone?" a boy asked.

"I just always leave my phone on and nothing happens!" an old lady added.

Everyone mingled, clearly all in agreement.

"Everybody, no! All electronic devices have to be turned off!" Josie practically shouted.

"I can't turn off my pace maker!" an old man, who looked like he could be going to the fishermen's convention too judging by his clothes, complained.

Josie did her best to smile patiently. "You're pace maker is fine."

"Well that just opens up a whole new can of worms!"

Everyone began to argue back and forth, until Josie finally snapped.

"AIRPLANES ARE MAGIC!"

Everyone stopped arguing and looked at her in confusion.

"No one knows why you have to turn off your phones and you want to know why? Because nobody knows how an airplane works! A couple of dumbos down in Kitty Hawk took some sticks and some old pants and they glued them together and they FREAKING FLEW, and no one knows why!"

"I thought the wings generated lift." A passenger remarked.

"Lift? Thrust? No! Scientists want you to think that they figured it out, but no one has ever figured it out and now we're just ROCKETING through space on a thirty ton DUMPSTER running on GOD KNOWS WHAT MAGIC and you guys want to just screw around with that?! I mean WHO KNOW WHAT COULD SCREW ALL THIS UP?!"

In a slightly calmer voice, but still sounding highly irritated and getting more so by the second, she then said; "So turn off your Twitter machines for just thirteen minutes while we soar through the clouds like the sun god Apollo and just READ YOUR FREAKIN' SKYMALLS! OKAY?!"

Everyone was absolutely silent, all fazed at Josie's outburst. She then did her best to compose herself as she went to her seat and buckled up. It didn't take long for her to check her phone. It also didn't take long for one of the passengers to notice.

"Hey!" the passenger exclaimed, pointing her out.

"My sister is pregnant!"

Dipper and Mabel sat frozen in place, wide eyed. "Next time, we're taking a train." Dipper said, not even moving his eyes.

"Definitely." Mabel replied in the same way.

The End

To see this video, go to YouTube and type in "Why Can't You Use Phones on Planes?"


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